Ethan (California Dreamy) Read online

  “Absolutely.”

  “While you were on your belly, fighting for survival, in a hostile environment half way around the world?”

  “That’s the thing about commitment—it’s supposed to be enduring.”

  But Shae shook her head. “Commitment only works when both parties are invested. That way, when one of you weakens the other is the strength.”

  “Your instinct into the nature of male and female relationships?”

  “It’s the human condition, Ethan. We all grow weary.”

  “But we’re not supposed to quit.”

  “Some of us do.” But she knew that wasn’t Ethan’s way. Or the thought that he might have wouldn’t bother him so much. He’d spent the ten years since Tina died drifting somewhere between a win and a loss, committing to neither. “What makes you think you quit on her?”

  “I was never the best writer,” he admitted. “But I made sure I connected with her in some way when I was deployed, on a consistent basis. It just became harder to do.”

  “Because you didn’t have it in you, or because she didn’t?”

  He shrugged. “There were long troughs of silence,” he admitted. “But we’re both to blame for that.”

  “And maybe that was it. I think relationships are doomed when both parties weaken at the same time.”

  “I didn’t want to step up,” he admitted. “I was angry.”

  “Because you thought she was cheating on you?’

  “I suspected it. Her distance hurt the most. I’d read her emails and I felt her pulling away. And then, one day—“ He shrugged—“my suspicions were confirmed.”

  “How?”

  “Typical mistake in this kind of thing—she sent me an e-mail, ‘Dear Kevin.’”

  Shae felt her stomach drop. “There were intimate details?”

  “Nothing sexual. At the time I remember thinking that I was at least spared that, but I’ve grown up since then. I realized the emotional betrayal was just as bad as the physical.” He sat down in the office chair and turned it so he could look at her. “She loved him. She didn’t know what she would do without him. She agreed to leave me, she just wanted to wait until I was home. So that she could tell me in person. Tina was like that—considerate.”

  His sarcasm was biting.

  “I’d noticed she was somewhat self-centered,” Shae commented. “I thought that was due to her age.”

  “You grow up quickly in the military, and not just the Marine—their wives, too. There’s worry and isolation. Tina wasn’t good at either, but most people aren’t. I expected too much from her.”

  “She knew who she was marrying,” Shae pointed out.

  Ethan nodded. “We talked about it. The first few years were going to be the hardest—but Tina was going to get her degree and that would take up a lot of her time while I was gone. After that, we were going to start a family.”

  That hit Shae particularly hard. Probably because she was on the precipice of starting her own family.

  “You lost all that,” she stated flatly, while inside a maelstrom of emotions swirled.

  “Yes.” His solemn agreement stirred her emotions more. “But I walked away from it. I didn’t try to fix us, or even pretend that I wanted to.”

  “Ethan, your trust was broken, at the deepest level.”

  “We were drifting apart before I knew that.”

  “Maybe it started when Tina first pulled away?” Shae suggested. It was the way Ethan had written it out. Communication from home slowed to a trickle and then dried up completely. There was a reason for that, and she knew Ethan realized that as well. “And it takes two to want to fix things.”

  “Maybe that cut the deepest. Tina didn’t want to fix us, either.”

  Outside, thunder rumbled overhead and the wind tossed the rain against the windows so that it sounded like pebbles against the glass. It startled Shae. She realized even the weak rays of sunshine she’d been enjoying earlier were gone. She pushed up from the pillow and gazed through the panes.

  “It’s raining.”

  “Yeah. No surfing for us.” Not one to sit long, Ethan was up and padded across the room toward her. “And there’s something else—Eva, my whole family, are on their way.”

  Shae’s face lost some color. “Here?”

  Ethan nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t usually get a lot of warning.”

  “They’re all coming?”

  “My mom and her boyfriend. Eva and Brian and Emme.”

  “Dylan,” she corrected him. “Do you do that on purpose?”

  “Probably.” He smiled and it was full of tease and affection. “She’s my kid sister. But I forgot about your allegiance—through birth right—so I’ll cool it.”

  “She might appreciate that.” Shae stood and retrieved the Tablet. She handed it to him. “I’ll check into a hotel.”

  “No you won’t.” She heard the indignation in his voice. “You’re staying put. I got them all rooms at the Four Seasons.”

  “But they’re your family. They’re used to staying here.”

  “Not when they all descend together. I don’t have the room. Anyway, they’ll enjoy the hotel’s amenities and we can have our privacy.”

  She nodded. Standing so close to him made her skin burn with the memory of his touch. “This is sudden.”

  “Eva told them I was trying to come to terms with Tina’s passing. They’re rallying around me now.”

  “That’s what families are supposed to do,” she agreed.

  He took her hand and laced their fingers, giving hers a little tug so that she returned her gaze to his. “There’s more to Tina’s death,” he said.

  “I know.”

  “It’s complicated—”

  She pressed her fingers against his mouth. “Let me read about it first, then we’ll talk.”

  He nodded, took another step and brought his body flush against hers. Heat pooled

  between her thighs. Her breasts tingled and as he nestled his erection against her, her nipples beaded.

  “Your family is coming,” she reminded him.

  “It’s a five hour drive,” he promised. “I can think of a lot we can do with that time.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ethan carried her into the bedroom. The curtains were pushed back from the windows but the sky was close, gray and cast the room in a watery light. He liked the way the shadows played on the walls. It softened the sharp edges of the world around them, and after his confessions in the office, surrounding themselves with softness seemed like a good thing. He planned to make love to her with tenderness. He wanted her to know that he wanted her, but that he needed her, too. In their world, where sex was offered as often as storylines, Shae was different. She put a burn in his blood that never ceased. He thought about her when he wasn’t with her, laughed aloud with remembered moments, and could focus on nothing else when he had her in his arms. She was bold and vulnerable, a breathtaking juxtaposition of emotions he’d never before experienced—she put herself out there, no apologies.

  And he wanted to be present with her in a way he’d never been with another.

  And that was a kick in the ass. Because to be with Shae meant rendering himself vulnerable as well. She accepted nothing less. Not in the bedroom. Not when dissecting his failed marriage. Not in those stolen moments, when they bobbed on their boards between waves and shared past triumphs and tragedies.

  “I want to undress you,” Shae said, as he placed her on her feet. Her hands were already under his t-shirt, pushing up the material. She placed her lips on his chest, over his heart, and tasted his skin with her tongue as her fingertips swirled over his nipples.

  “Go for it,” he invited. “But this time it’s all about you.”

  “Then I get to call the shots?”

  He smiled but shook his head. “Nice try. We did that last night.”

  “And you were disappointed?”

  “Far from it,” he assured her. What happened in this bed the
night before was wicked-hot. It still made his balls ache, thinking of Shae moving over him as they fell into a her-wish-his- command kind of foreplay. He’d had to stop her a few times to keep from coming and bringing their game to a premature end. “But the focus is on you now.”

  He lifted his arms and allowed her to whisk his shirt up and off.

  “Hmmm, we’ll see about that,” she said and popped the snap on his jeans. She went for his zipper and Ethan didn’t stop her, though she had a way of touching him that made him forget all about plans and responsibilities. She could reduce him to basic need in seconds.

  He pulled her gauzy t-shirt over her head and trailed his fingers over the lacy edge of her bra. “Don’t make me use this against you,” he teased.

  “How’s that?” She was challenging him and he loved her saucy reply.

  “I could tie your hands—” His hands drifted down her arms, captured her wrists and moved them behind her back as he lowered his face to that fragrant spot where neck and shoulder met. “And have my way with you.”

  “Have you ever done that?” She’d turned her head and the words were whispered seductively into his ear.

  Ethan’s laughter was an intimate rumble. She’d caught his attention and he was already thinking of the many ways he could immobilize her hands to keep her from distracting him. “Never. Bondage isn’t my thing.”

  “Not even a light touch of it?”

  “Define light,” he demanded, and opened his mouth so he could suck gently on the tender lobe of her ear.

  She shuddered under his attentions and replied, “Silk scarves?”

  “You have one?”

  “I have an overnight case,” she reminded him. “Two changes of clothes and a swimsuit. Not much to tempt you with there.”

  “You have everything you need right here,” he assured her and released one of her hands so that he could stroke the small of her back, cup her ass and bring her into exquisite contact with his shaft. “Consider me tempted.”

  “We could use this,” she replied and tugged on his leather belt.

  He shook his head. “Too rough for your sensitive skin.”

  “I was thinking you,” she said.

  It took a moment for her words to find meaning in his passion-dulled mind. And then he stilled and lifted his head so that he could look into her face. Her head was thrown back, her long tawny hair cascading down her back. Her lips were parted on a sigh as she lifted a leg around his hip and rubbed her clit against his shaft.

  “You want to tie me up?” he asked.

  Her eyes opened and she returned his gaze, hers hazy with passion.

  “Definitely.”

  “Not.”

  “What?”

  “Sorry, honey. Not gonna happen.”

  The news flickered across her face, caused a small frown to sink between her eyebrows. But then she shrugged and demanded, “Take your pants off, Ethan.” Her face was hard to read. Arousal made her features soft, her eyes reflective, but her voice had an edge to it that he found equally exciting.

  “Are you disappointed?”

  She found him with her hand, caressed and said, “Never.”

  She stepped back and Ethan felt cool air take her place against his skin. He watched as she unsnapped her jeans and shimmied out of them. Shae was gorgeous. Delicate ankles and slim legs, that French belly he would never tire of staring at, tracing with his lips, rubbing his cock against. Breasts that were full globes crowned with nipples that were the palest shade of pink. His cock drew impossibly harder, straining against his boxer-briefs. He palmed himself and watched Shae’s eyes ignite. Then he continued his perusal of her body, his eyes drifting over her collarbones and the shallow dips there, up the graceful slope of her neck to the sensitive skin below her ears. He loved how he could make her gasp simply by breathing slow and heavy in that exact spot and his hand grew heavier on his shaft. He connected with Shae’s gaze to check if she noticed. She had and she wasn’t willing to be just a spectator.

  “Take them off, Ethan.”

  Her voice was almost a coo as she began to caress her own body. Her hands fluttered over the edge of her silk panties and Ethan braced himself for the revelation. Only it didn’t come. With an intimate, knowing smile, Shae moved her palms over her stomach, traced the indention of her waist, circled her navel and then dipped a finger into the shallow bowl, surprising herself with the sensation she created so that she emitted a small gasp.

  “Is that good?”

  “Yes,” she breathed. But she wasn’t content to linger there. She slid her hands under her lacy bra and cupped her breasts. Her fingers plucked at her nipples and Ethan’s balls tightened.

  “Off,” he clipped. “Take the bra off.”

  She reached around back and undid the hooks, then slid the straps from her shoulders. Her heavy breasts filled her hands, her nipples already tight buds and Ethan felt his jaw tense on the desire to suckle them, to pull her deeply into his mouth and draw her praises. She pulled on her nipples and her head fell back as pleasure wracked her body in rippling waves he could actually see.

  “Oh, fuck.” He wanted to be a part of that. More than anything, he wanted to be down on her right now. She was wet and aching, her scent drifting upwards, stiffening his cock even more. He knew she needed his mouth on her clit, his tongue plunging into her, but there was something incredibly erotic about watching her bring herself to orgasm. And then she left her breasts and pushed her hands into her panties and Ethan felt that pressure building in the small of his back. He pushed his pants down and off and kicked them aside, then he planted his feet to steady his balance. “Take them off,” he demanded. “I need to watch you. See your sweet lips as you touch yourself there.”

  She choked on his name. “Help me.”

  “No.” The refusal cost him, so he pulled his cock free of his boxers and rewarded himself with a long, firm stroke of his hand.

  Her eyes snapped open on his refusal and he watched her watch him. Her body seemed to tighten, drawing her to her toes.

  “Do you want to do this for me, Shae?”

  “Yes,” she breathed and stepped forward, but Ethan stopped her with a shake his head.

  “After.”

  “After what?”

  He nodded to her last shred of clothing.

  “Take them off.”

  She pushed them down her hips and let them fall to the floor.

  “Touch yourself.”

  She held his gaze as she dipped her hands into the tangle of curls over her sex. He watched her fingers slid over her lips and knew she was wet. Gloriously wet. He wanted to see her like that. Needed to see her like that.

  “Sit on the bed and spread your legs.”

  “Ethan—”

  “Please,” he amended.

  She did as he asked, perched herself on the edge of the mattress and opened her smooth thighs so that he could see her pink folds, bathed in her juice, and then she used her fingers to part herself, to show him that bud that was begging for his attention.

  “Touch yourself, Shae.”

  “I want you,” she began, but if he listened to her pleas he’d cave.

  “Now.”

  “Like this?” She stroked herself down the middle, bathing her fingertips which she then lifted to her clit, circled. Her head fell back and she moaned deep in her throat.

  “Yes. Yes.” He pushed his boxers off and began a steady stroke of his cock. Damn, he’d never been harder. It was an exquisite pressure and he watched that first stream of semen jerk from his head. He wiped it with his fingers, brought it down his shaft to smooth the friction.

  “You’re coming.”

  Her blue eyes were enormous, heated. And her fingers on her sex trembled.

  “Not quite.” And damn if he’d leave her behind.

  “Inside,” he demanded. He wanted her to go deep while he watched. Would she bring herself to climax like this? Could he possibly watch and not be a physical part of it? Would he last lo
ng enough to enjoy it or succumb himself?

  She did as he asked, pushing first one and then two fingers into her channel, swirling, withdrawing and plunging again. She watched him work his body until the pleasure she created for them made her body flush and arch, her head fall back, her limbs shake.

  This was her orgasm, and he got to watch. He got the full picture, not just the close-up, and it was as powerful as a rocket launch. It was mind-blowing and humbling and the most beautiful thing he’d ever been a part of.

  She gave more than her body to him this time. She gave him her trust—one-hundred percent. She offered her vulnerability without even a shred of covering, and Ethan’s instinct to protect almost overshadowed his desire to bring this to culmination.

  Ethan felt the edges of his vision dim. The pleasure of watching her come apart was so intense he felt the world tip, his body lean into a forward momentum. He stumbled but caught himself before he fell on top of her. He gathered her trembling body to his, covered her and understood now exactly what that meant. He shielded her while her body carried out the commands of her senses. The commands he had asked of her.

  And that was his last coherent thought for awhile.

  He surfaced before Shae did. She rolled to her side and curled into him and Ethan gathered her close, shifting so that he brought them both more securely onto the bed. He had come at some point—and damn if he couldn’t pinpoint exactly when, the pleasure she’d created for him was so intense—and he grabbed a handful of sheet and wiped away the semen he’d deposited on her belly.

  Sensation still coursed through her body, causing it to tremble slightly. He stroked her slowly, from shoulder to hip. A soothing touch that soothed her muscles. Her breath fanned his neck, stirred the hair on his chest.

  “Thank you,” he murmured into her hair. “That was beautiful, Shae. You’re so incredibly beautiful.”

  “Wow,” she mumbled.

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “Amazing.”

  Shae had had moments where her courage flagged, her confidence wobbled, but she had let him guide her. She was sinking deeply into his heart and while the thought made the organ flutter like a fledgling bird, made his breath catch in his throat, he also wondered how it had happened, when he had spent the better part of ten years avoiding intimacy of this kind. When women hadn’t managed to get more than skin deep with him.